How to Help Someone with Suicidle Thoughts.
"Those Dark thoughts people think that make them think they should just end it all."
People with suicidle thoughts are stuck in a dark empty space, with a noisy silence that deafens the emptiness they struggle to comprehend. That very dark corner somewhere deep inside their very being is telling them they are worthless, no good to anyone, a burden to life itself and if they disappeared, somehow everything would be better. Somehow internally they have rationalised the notion that if they tapped out, all the problems they have would simply be over and that dark empty noise could finally be over. They know that’s not the right way to feel but that’s all they’ve got and trying to explain or justify how they feel, only makes them feel even worse.
That crushing heavy monster of doom hangs over them every second of the day, deep into the night, through their dreams and is sitting there waiting for them when they wake up and open their eyes. Even when they find a smile or feel a moment of happiness, that sinister demon is waiting for them in the shadows ready to pounce and suck them back into that black abyss of desperation.
Looking in from the outside can feel like walking a treacherous tightrope, a delicate balancing act of trying to make sense of how they feel is a thankless task. Picking the right words or framing what to say never sounds right and even harder to figure out then walking that tightrope.
We can get lost in our own reasons why we think they feel the way they do. Good intended suggestions or the neatly positioned, delicate gentle questions we ask, we feel are genuinely sensitive but somehow know have no effect whatsoever. We try but know the effort is futile.
The answers they give us we instantly know are skilfully deflected answers, cleverly crafted to make out that nothing is wrong, everything is ok and we shouldn’t worry. We do worry and can clearly see what they tell us is not true, that there is something worse masked behind the answer they just gave us. Frustratingly the view we see is obviously wrong, the picture looks ok, but we see the cracks and patch repairs others don’t see. The signs are clear to us but there are no directions, the obstacles obvious but no way around and we don’t know where to even begin.
A simple thing you can do is just be there for them, with no strings attached, no judgment, just be there. Just be that friend who will sit with them in the darkness, the sister who will hold their hand while they walk through their forrest of fear, the brother who will watch the game with them and not disturb the crowd noise with any awkward question that will ruin that moment of being the friend they silently need.
Don’t try to make sense of anything or rush to give them some big solution solving remedy that will fix everything. That will only burden them with more guilt, confusion and the pending sense of darkness they already don’t understand.
Never say you understand what they are going through or reference a similar situation you think somehow compares, because trust me, nothing makes sense to why they feel the way they do and you saying you know how they feel, only adds more pressure to the confused feelings they have. It will feel like more judgement or something they should be able to figure out and just can’t and that’s the crushing part for them to handle.
Not saying anything and just being there for them, in those calm moments, will be something they can turn to as a place of comfort, a safe space they can rely on for that non judgmental refuge away from the pending doom they feel. That’s the key, being that safe place without prejudice for them to just be. In that space of just being, that will be somewhere they can possibly start to open up and with your strength, make some changes.
As a close friend or relative, this feels like the hardest thing to do and somehow doing nothing feels like we aren’t being the friend, brother, sister, or solution they need us to be. But as Viktor Frankl espoused in Logotherapy, this technique is what they call a paradoxical intention.
Instead of trying hard to cure the problem, or come up with some miracle solution, we instead do the complete opposite and this somehow has the opposing effect and actually can make the difference they need. At first this will feel like the wrong thing to do, but if we do this with love, kindness and the on hand support they may ask for, it really can have great results. And the truth is when they are ready for the help they need, they will ask.
Knowing you are there for them like that great oak tree standing solid in the storm, that comforting sight, is sometimes all they need.
Written by,
Coach Wheeler.
Motivational Keynote Speaker
Mindset, Purpose and Life Coach.